In the wake of our recent tragedy, I have found myself reflecting on the
cultures mixed messages about "manhood." I have been particularly struck by
a frequently used phrase in media commentary about men in the hours and
days following the attacks. Repeatedly, from the poignant images of tearful
hugging rescue workers in NYC to news anchor Dan Rather openly crying on
David Letterman show to the President and members of Congress, men
were characterized as "showing their humanity."Though this might be an acc-
urate description, this attribute also reflects an underlying message about
the acceptable context for mens emotional expression.
I have been deeply moved by these far too rare images of men; made all the
more vivid because they were not the usual fare of disconnected 10 second
"sound bites." No, here we were given long lingering shots allowing us
the time to be pulled by the thread of their emotions beyond the
event the human stories the video told about these men. Yet, in the
commentary there was a certain tone resonating in the phrase showing their
humanity that gave me pause. It felt as if these words were used to justify
men's overt displays of sadness, vulnerability and loss; emotions generally
off
limits when conjuring up images of masculinity. Just slightly beneath
the surface, the subtext reflects the message that only in times like these
can men justifiably and, I might add, safely engage in public displays of
emotion.
For those inclined to quickly to dismiss this point, we need only think
back to Edmund Muskie reward for crying in public during the 1972
presidential
campaign from that point on, he was no longer a viable candidate to the
here and now, open your eyes and ears. Each and every day your likely to
see or hear a boy or man chided, if only "jokingly," about showing his
vulnerability or emotions. It is this broad form of "homophobia" that
serves to keep the lid on emotional expression and narrow the opportunities
for males to more openly "show their humanity."
These observations beg a myriad of obvious questions. If men's acceptable
expression of "humanity" is only reserved for times of such tragedy, then
how will we ever hope to eradicate expressions of "inhumanity" that
terrorism
and other violent acts represent, 90% of which are committed by men? If we
cannot retain, learn from and expand on these profound expressions of
manhood, I am left to wonder where my son and other boys will find
consistent everyday lessons, reminders and models of men's true capacity
for the full
expression of "humanity?" What other sources might we draw on to help
boys experience a vision of masculinity, that includes courage and
confidence, as well as compassion and connection so essential to their
healthy
development? What about the media role? After all, in this case they have
responsibly
provided us with the indelibly heartfelt portraits of grown men crying
in this time of national mourning. It has also been heartening amidst the
sadness to learn that media industry and professional sports have begun to
actively question the use of violent images or references and the public
willingness to consume them. How long will such insights and sentiment
last? Can they possibly pave the way for new models of manhood that
transcend the boundaries of our stereotypes and stale homophobic jokes able
sensitive new age guys? Because it is largely men who make the
decisions,play out that violence on film, and, most sadly, in real life, I
am guardedly hopeful.
Without conscious advocacy for a broader and more complex view of healthy
male development, I fear a slow, but predictable return to business as
usual in Hollywood, in our government, the schools and street corners
across the
country. Our boys have so much to gain from this window into the hearts of
men. How do we keep it open and encourage the vision it offers?
As a man, cannot avoid looking to my own advocacy for ways to reflect such
a vision. This tragedy has only renewed my understanding of the important
role I can
play in offering broader views of manhood for the people whose lives I
touch. As father to a son and daughters, as a loving partner, as an
educator and
citizen, it is only by revealing my own humanity each day that I can help
to move us toward a global community where terrorism, fear and other acts
of
inhumanity have been eliminated. A final question, what can each of us do
to help keep this window open in the best interests of our sons and
daughters?
Craig Flood
CFlood Associates
P.O. Box 2174
Ballston Spa, NY 12020
Email: cflood@aol.com
"Caring schools are safe schools."
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