Thank you for your thoughtful and so articulate message,"Showing their
Humanity" A Window to the hearts of men . It really made me think. I am a
recovering member of the "Boy Code". I grew up with my four brothers in a
time
where emotional detachment among males was the norm and outward male
affection, especially between boys and their fathers was only demonstrated
in
a rare event like a funeral or a wedding, and then only briefly at that. My
father was a decent, caring man who raised me in the strict, emotionally
detached way he was raised. He communicated his love for us through my
mother,i.e. "You know your father loves you very much!" Now, I am a father
of
two boys ages 4 and 6 and I find myself desperately trying to redefine this
role of fatherhood that has been handed down to me. I started by simply
showing my sons affection. I kiss and hug my sons, and they kiss and hug me
everyday. I do this not only out of love, but also to model affection for
them, so they can learn. Still, I am not sure if I will always be the kind
of
father that can satisfy his sons' need for attention, affection and love.
Sometimes I feel lost, without a blueprint and not sure if I am doing a
good
job at re-inventing fatherhood. What do I do next? What do I do ten years
from now? Sometimes I think even if I succeed at being a loving nurturing
father for my sons, what effect will society have on them? Will their
friends,
teachers etc. insist on them conforming to the "Boy Code" despite my
efforts?
E. Kevin O'Connell
koconn4 <koconn4@lausd.k12.ca.us>
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