You raise a very good question. This is a long process and we're only part
of the way. Having a word is much better than when there was none, but
it's not enough.
Helping kids, particularly boys become aware of whether they are harassing
someone is very important. Do I know when to take no for an answer? Am I
trying to get attention? Am I more interested in what my buddies think
than in the person I'm running after? Do I see sex as conquest? What do I
think is important in a relationship? What do I want people to think of
me? These are not easy questions and kids don't always give us the
answers we want to hear. I worried about this a great deal, having a son.
I was moved to tears when we went to a Fred Astaire movie and he got very
upset that Fred continued making advances when Ginger Rogers said no. We
had a big family conversation about pursuit, sex roles, the point of
view of the film and what we each thought. I was very touched by how much
he had absorbed of my point of view. But this is the sort of thing you
don't teach once. It's every day for many years with the people we love.
Your comments on it't not real if you don't talk about it, and 'don't be
so sensitive,' belong to another realm. Many of us raised as traditional
females have been taught to trust someone else's take on a situation more
than our own. That's a whole process of growth to say, I know what's
happening. I know how I feel. I know what's right for me - maybe not in
pigheaded, I'll never take advice ways, but about what's going on out
there. As past targets of sexual harassment and as adults who help kids,
primarily girls find their voice, this is crucial. The book that comes to
mind for me is Women's Ways of Knowing and the chapter on knowing in the
gut. Other people may have other ideas and suggestions about what helps.
Overcoming or being a survivor is empowering. We can take the energy of
outrage and turn it not on blaming ourselves but on transforming society.
Judith Hermann has written on that about rape survivors. I think the same
is true for survivors of other forms of sexual coersion and sexual abuse.
Eleanor R Linn <elinn@umich.edu>
Sharon Hushka wrote:
>
> Sexual harassment creates lingering personal, financial, and
> professional consequences.In order to end sexual harassment in our schools and
workplace, it is necessary to change our perceptions about gender, gender
expectations, gender roles, and gender interactions. Change, necessarily
requires awareness. In making people aware that some words and actions are, at
> minimum, inappropriate or , at the extreme, wrong (morally and/or
> legally), the listeners' tendency is to resist change and to become
> defensive.
>
> For example, the words "sexual harassment" are enough to trigger an
> attitude:
> It's not happening here.
> I'm not harassing anyone.
> If we don't talk about it, it'll go away.
> Don't be so sensitive.
>
> My question is whether there is a way (ways) to foster change in
> attitudes, behaviors, and polices regarding sexual harassment that is
> more palatable? That is, what are "user-friendly" ways to educate others
> about sexual harassment that will minimize their resistance to change?
>
> Sharon Hushka
> sharynh@earthlink.net
>
>
>
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