Tim Flinders wrote:
>
> Linda Purrington recently wrote:
>
> ". . . NO one remarked that the gender equity educator was still
> approving of the boys, and putting the girls down for not knowing how to
> play the game--the only game he could see. . . But perhaps it is time to
> make the standard of education human behavior, not male behavior? By
> the way, this incident actually happened. The audience of 400 teachers
> laughed, with the gender equity expert, at the girls."
>
> Sorry for the length of this post, but as the "gender equity educator"
> in
> question here, I'd like to clear up a couple of misconceptions about my
> increasingly infamous "anecdote" and my intentions in telling it at a
> conference on girls ("Power,Promise and Possibility: A Conference About
> Girls", Sonoma State University, October 1996). And I'd like to invite a
> discussion about the dilemma I intended the story to address and which has
> been raised only tangentially here: namely, the conflicting claims upon
> teachers of competing "ethics" among the boys and girls in our classrooms
> and on our playgrounds. Carol Gilligan first identified these as the "ethos
> of abstract justice" (predominatly male) and that of "care and connection"
> (predominantly female). I believe she also was the first to observe that, on
> the playground, boys play games largely to win, while girls will often
> adjust the rules of their competitive games to accomodate their desire for
> "connection." For the boys, the "rules" are paramount: for the girls, the
> "connection."
>
> It was during a series of kickball games that these conflicting
"ethics"
> surfaced in a way that forced them onto my attention, and it was to
> illuminate these complexities, and my own fumbling, but earnest, attempts
> to deal with them, that formed the point of my "anecdote."
>
> Very briefly, the story goes like this (anyone wanting a more detailed
> version can find it in my book, "Growing Girls: A Gender Primer for
> Parents)--
>
> Returning from my first gender equity conference, (Mills College, Oct
> 1992), and wanting to ensure that my PE periods of fifth and sixth graders
> were
> absolutely gender fair, I decided to have girl and boy captains choose the
> kickball teams, an equity no-brainer it seemed. Problem was, the boy
> captain chose the best players first (not all boys, by the way ) while the
> girl captain chose her best friends, none of whom turned out to be
> athletically talented. When the game became lopsided (11-2, or something,
> by the second inning), the girl captain complained to me (fiercely, I
> should add) that the teams were unfair. I switched a couple of the better
> players to the losing team, (a boy and a girl, despite their vocal
> protests) and the game eventually evened out.
>
> Next week at the beginning of PE, I reminded the newly chosen boy and
> girl
> captains of the previous week's fiasco and suggested that if they wanted an
> even game, (I knew I did) they might choose a couple of the better players
> first, than choose their friends. Didn't work. The girl captain wouldn't
> bypass her non-athletic friends, even momentarily, though it resulted in
> markedly uneven teams and another disastrous first inning. She became
> increasingly indignant at the lopsidedness until I switched a couple of
> the better players ("No way!") to even up the sides. It was at this point
> in the story that the audience (mostly women, by the way, and many of them
> mothers with daughters) laughed, basically at my untenable predicament.
>
> This went on for several PE sessions. Nothing I could say to each
> week's
> captains about our (certainly my) desire for an even game made any
> difference in the outcome. Finally, watching an 11-year-old struggle
> mightily one afternoon, visibly torn between her desire for a decent team
> and an almost visceral need to be with her friends, suddenly lit up the
> gender landscape for me with new meaning. I "saw" for the first time
> really, the force and depth of Gilligan's "care and connection" among my
> girl students, and felt its pointed contrast to my own rigid and
> self-limiting socialization as a young male to (for the most part, anyway)
> "just win, baby." I stood there in the overbright sunlight in the grip of
> an epiphany which,in one way or another, has fueled my equity work for the
> past five years. Here's how it's described in "Growing Girls:"
>
> "I didn't say a word, dumbstruck by how powerful the drive for
> relationship among these girls was, their palpable need for connection.
> Certainly it was stronger than any threat (or promise) I could muster, and
> I decided not to
> meddle with it any longer. I wasn't going to have these girls set aside so
> fundamental a drive just to satisfy my own need for a competitive kickball
> game.
>
> So I let go. Surprisingly, I didn't feel the least defeated when I had
> to
> switch a couple of players later in in the game in order to even out the
> sides. They groaned as usual, but it didn't bother me this time. I think I
> was still a little awestruck."
>
> Sometime later, I worked out a system that I hoped would honor both
> "ethics", and satisfy everyone's desire for relatively even games. One
> week two girl
> captains would choose teams, the next week two boys. I've alternated like
> this for five years now, and while its not a perfect solution, it does
> answer some of the complexities. I would welcome others' suggestions.
>
> As to the "Anecdote and the Educator" I cannot imagine what I could
have
> said that day which could have persuaded Linda that I was approving of the
> boys and dispproving of the girls. To have said, "the girls, alas" (as I am
> quoted) would have turned my intention in telling the story entirely on its
> head. But it was a year and a half ago, and perhaps I was even more nervous
> than I felt, and got my lines wrong.
>
> In any event, though I mightily disagree with Linda's version of my
> story,
> I heartily support her main point, that "it is time to make the standard of
> education human behavior, not male behavior." I'd like to think that is
> precisely the message I was (and am) trying to convey. As I said, you can
> look it up (I'd be more than happy to send ordering info for "Growing
> Girls")
>
> Tim Flinders
> Old Adobe USD, Gifted and Talented Education
> Petaluma, CA
> flinders@wco.com